I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
