Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
