was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
