So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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