Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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