i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
