Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
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