I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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