It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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