I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
