i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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