I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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