hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He passed out mid-signature
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
