I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
