My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
