dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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