so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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