barbara walters just said penis...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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