i think i have herpe
just one?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
