Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
