Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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