please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
