Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
