trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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