someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I cut my penus on the lid.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
