i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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