i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
