OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
