She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
