Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
