I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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