You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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