After last night, I could never be a politician.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
