Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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