Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
