I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My penis needs a shock collar
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize