Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Such a big mess for such a small penis
My life is pants optional.
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