no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
