SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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