i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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