in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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