Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
