Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
