I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
