Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize