Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
She needs sedatives and a leash
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
