i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
