dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
