I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
