totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
