I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
you inspire me to be a worse person
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
