Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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