those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
The feeling are messing with the penis
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
