can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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