you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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