If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
