Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
