we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize