I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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