In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
