is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
