so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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