Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I could fuck to npr.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
