I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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