I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
