The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
