her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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