I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
